My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
