When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
