I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Apparently you make a good broom.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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