I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
