Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
