i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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