how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Randomize
