Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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