I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
