My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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