For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
