you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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