I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
