yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
