I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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