On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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