? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
