My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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