Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize