i think my mom watched the whole time
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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