CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
