Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
