I hope mine doesn't look like that
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
