I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
as a side note pls kill me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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