It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
