but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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