The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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