my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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