Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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