Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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