some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
