oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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