member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
