I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
