I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
