no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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