You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
