If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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