brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
