I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize