So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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