I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
