The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
