i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
