I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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