Someone shit on the floor
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
