I didn't shave. On purpose
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
