My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
