I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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