i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
