Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
