To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
