i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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