Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
