I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize