just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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