I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
