You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize