im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize