If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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