im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
